you can be heartbroken many times and never been in love.

I've been hurt so many times. The exact same way. The first time wasn't that bad. I was sad but it didn't affect me so badly. I just let it go. The second time hurt pretty badly. It hurt the most because deep inside I knew it was going to happen. But I thought and hoped that it wouldn't be different. I tried to be optimistic. I sat there and waited and I let him take advantage of me. I just waited and let him choose. Needless to say the outcome wasn't as i had hoped. And now when i see her. or him. it hurts. I am over him and i don't have feelings for him i know that but it still hurts. This third time hurt the most. Although i may be experiencing it right now at this moment I can already tell that my responses have been way worse then before. My friends can see it as well as my family. I'm usually really good at hiding it but this hurts too much that I have a hard time hiding it. I'm really bad at expressing my feelings but i know that this is one thing i would never want anyone to ever feel. I really hope i don't go through this for a fourth time. Because if i do i don't know how much more danger I can put myself in. I don't know what I will do to myself.
Payback is a bitch. I think this is my payback. I may have hurt a few guys in my life time and I may have not dealed with it correctly but now i get it. I get how much it hurts and I hope i never do it again. I have learned my lesson so please stop the hurting. I have hit rock bottom and next time i don't know what is going to be lower than rock bottom. I have become a person i don't recognize. I have come to terms that I will always get hurt. All i ask is for once please don't hurt me in this way again. When it does end please have it end a different way. a different hurt.