"Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder, it just makes you realize you can live your life with out the other person."

That is so true. I don't believe in love. There are going to be many people out there that you can spend the rest of you life with. There is more than one person that you can love enough to share your world with. Just like there is always someone out there that is in a worse condition then you, there will always be someone out there that is a better match for you. We live in a society where our roles are defined for us. The social norm is to graduate high school and go off to college, party and then come home get married have children with a career. Why is it that most people tend to find the one they are going to marry at the age of 25-33. Its because people settle. And women know if they don't get married by that age they won't be able to have kids. That's why there are so many divorces. Because people settle. They think they are following the social norm and everyone wants to be a part of the norm so they do things that way. There will always be exceptions to the rule but most people just follow this. So yes you can love someone, but you can't really be in love with just one person.

you can be heartbroken many times and never been in love.

I've been hurt so many times. The exact same way. The first time wasn't that bad. I was sad but it didn't affect me so badly. I just let it go. The second time hurt pretty badly. It hurt the most because deep inside I knew it was going to happen. But I thought and hoped that it wouldn't be different. I tried to be optimistic. I sat there and waited and I let him take advantage of me. I just waited and let him choose. Needless to say the outcome wasn't as i had hoped. And now when i see her. or him. it hurts. I am over him and i don't have feelings for him i know that but it still hurts. This third time hurt the most. Although i may be experiencing it right now at this moment I can already tell that my responses have been way worse then before. My friends can see it as well as my family. I'm usually really good at hiding it but this hurts too much that I have a hard time hiding it. I'm really bad at expressing my feelings but i know that this is one thing i would never want anyone to ever feel. I really hope i don't go through this for a fourth time. Because if i do i don't know how much more danger I can put myself in. I don't know what I will do to myself.
Payback is a bitch. I think this is my payback. I may have hurt a few guys in my life time and I may have not dealed with it correctly but now i get it. I get how much it hurts and I hope i never do it again. I have learned my lesson so please stop the hurting. I have hit rock bottom and next time i don't know what is going to be lower than rock bottom. I have become a person i don't recognize. I have come to terms that I will always get hurt. All i ask is for once please don't hurt me in this way again. When it does end please have it end a different way. a different hurt.

decisions

So this past few weeks have been all about decisions that i need to make for my future. It's going to be really hard to pick up and just leave what i am comfortable with. But im trying to be come to terms with it. I want to be happy where ever i go. Honestly these past few weeks I have been upset with my life. I should love what i already have. but as i try to do that all i can think about is what i am going to lose when i leave and make these big changes in my life. I've been waiting for this time for about two years or more now but i don't know how im going to do decide what to do. I know in the end the ultimate decision is mine no matter what everyone else says. So hopefully i choose this decision wisely.