life sucks sometimes.

here i am at 130am in LA at my grandmothers house... im just rethinking life. doing this over. how can something that i know is the right thing to do seem so sucky. i guess the right thing always makes you feel like shit. in the end i know it was the right decision but i feel so low right now. im pretty messed up. I wished i thought things a lot more clearly. not let my feelings get ahead of myself. and i wouldn't be in this situation right now...

how do you know?

how do you know when you are over someone? if your questioning it does that mean you arn't? im so lost in my thoughts. but then i am always lost. im happy where i am, im content. but sometimes i wonder if im making a horrible mistake. i took the risk but should I have thought this more throughly? i thought this is what i wanted. but is it still what i want? i really don't know. im lost. i don't wanna lose a friendship. a community. i might just lose it though... how do you know what you are really feeling?

im just living my life

according to the chinese stuff, this year is supposed to be a reallly horrible year for me. ANd i have been proved that over and over again. LAST night was jsut another reminder. but you know what thats now the past im moving on. im leaving for irvine in less than a month. im going to be starting over. and yea im just enjoying where i am. yeah im gonna miss the bay area so much but you know what, ill survive. i moved from socal up here and i have always missed socal so now im just going back. i think this horrible year has made me so much stronger. everytime i fall ill just stand back up, and i know which friends i have to catch me when i fall. because as i was reminded today... boys are whatever and friends are forever! sooo lovvvveee :)

oh there's been a lot on my mind.

my life is a roller coaster. right now i feel like i am going up on a high. im ready for irvine, but that the same time im not ready to leave bgame. today, riding around the city, across the golden gate bridge, and watching the sunset with no fog, made me realize how beautiful the bay area is. actually i have realized it a few times but it still never fails to amaze me. and it made it soo much better that i was spending it with such great friends. i love my friends here. and i don't know if i will meet any friends like the ones i have here in Irvine, i hope i do, but it even if i don;t, iknow i will always have the friends from home.

love life, appreciate, and just have fun. thats what im doing with my last month..

isolation

So yea, last night i had a lot of fun, but tonight as I have some down time for myself, i realized that I haven't been talking to a lot of people that i normally talk to. And i don't know why. I am so confused my with everything, but im just trying to put it past me and not think about it and move on. But i don't know why that means shutting out people that i have always enjoyed talking too. I don't know i have been in this weird state of not wanting to communicate to people. I deactivated my facebook for 24 hours and I don't really know why. I was in a bad mood when i did it, i know that but I don't know. I guess i like pushing people away from me especially since I know I will be leaving for school.

sick and tired

I took a ride on a February morning,
Just getting over it and dealing with the mourning,
I started thinking out loud: I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired,
My baby's flying off the edge of the road,
She's saying, "I'm so sorry about that note",
That left me all alone,
But I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired

Somebody turn the lights on,
Somebody tell me what's wrong,
I'd be lying if I told you,
Losing you was something I could handle,
Somebody turn the lights on,
Somebody tell me how long,
All this darkness will surround you,
Cuz I'm burning for you,
Burning like a candle

Seven days since I've seen your face,
Seven nights I have laid to waste,
I'm burning out now,
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired,
I know we're hanging at the end of the road,
We've flown too high, make a swarm too low,
I heard a screaming out loud,
I heard a screaming out loud

Somebody turn the lights on,
Somebody tell me what's wrong,
I'd be lying if I told you,
Losing you was something I could handle,
Somebody turn the lights on,
Somebody tell me how long,
All this darkness will surround you,
Cuz I'm burning for you,
Burning like a candle

Think,
All the things that you say,
What are the things that you mean,
What are the things that you say to me,
Cuz your tradgedy,
A queen for his majesty,
All these plans for me,
Your kingdom is crumbling,
You're a tradgedy,
A queen for his majesty,
All these plans for me,
Your kingdom is crumbling,

Somebody turn the lights on,
Somebody tell me what's wrong,
I'd be lying if I told you,
Losing you was something I could handle,
Somebody turn the lights on,
Somebody tell me how long,
All this darkness will surround you,
Cuz I'm burning for you,
Burning like a candle

Burning for you,
Burning like a candle,
Burning for you,
Burning like a candle