conflicted

and my mind is still on youu. you just don't understand how hard this is for me. you dont even care. you want me to get over you. just like you are over me. but i guess i can't. i dont know why. i want to. you don't know how badly i want to. youve hurt me. i cant trust you. we dont talk and when we do you don't make an effort. i deserve better but you are still whats on my mind and i can't move on as hard as i try. never have i felt like this before.

finally in irvine

So i moved down here last saturday and today was offically the first day of classes but i dont have tuesday and thursday classes so its still pretty chill for me. i walk a lot here. i miss having ppl drive me around. but its okay. ive been doing a lot of welcome activities and others as such. so its been prettty fun i guess. still trying to get used to the campus and all that stuff. but yeahh. i miss my friends in the bay area. but i like this whole new start thing. soo calm. next stop.. BEACH! :)

solo

i think i could have loved you. but we've been through too much now and its over. we can't go back to what we were before. we can't because you arn't ready. becaue your still in love with her. we dont have good conversations anymore. we just have normal ones. i dont wanna argue with you anymore and thats a sign that im getting over you. im moving on. im not going to wait for you forever. i dont have the patience. your just not the guy for me. im sorry.

cleaning my room

So, for the past month or so I was supposed to clean and pack up my room as much as possible. And earlier I was going through some things and i had to put it all back. I realized that I cleaned most of my room except for certain areas in my room because there are items in those areas that i do not want to see. It will bring back soo many memories... and those are memories I don't want to remember. It will bring back the pain, the anger, the disappointment, the sadness... I think i need to have a huge bonfire for all of those stuff. I need to get rid of them but I dont know how i am going to when I cant even go to the area of my room to let it go.

UCII!!

So, im leaving for school in about three weeks. Less than three weeks. I'm actually kinda scared. but at the same time im kinda excited. Its a new place and ill meet new ppl and ill be able to further my education and study things i like to study. I get to live on my own without my parents telling me waht to do all the time and actually be in socal. i have no idea what my future lies for me. i dont know what to do. should i listen to what my heart wants or what my mind is telling me. am i actually going to move to socal for good now? i honestly don't know what i am going to do. I have built a really goood group of connections and friendships in the bay area. Although i love socal's enviornment more, my friends mean a lot more to me up here. but my family is in Socal so i have no idea what i am going to do...